How to effectively deal with a bad virtual boss is a topic of conversation that I’ve recently had several times. In 2020, thanks in part to the COVID-19 pandemic and “work from home” mandates, the opportunity to take part in leadership and management development programs blossomed. I’ve often said that it would be a shame to go through this entire pandemic as a shut-in and not learn something new!
But is “learning” about leadership and management tactics actually producing positive results? The 2020 Leadership Development industry is a $400+ Billion Industry, according to analysts. With that kind of spend, why are bosses still bad and common in the workplace? Bad bosses are nothing new, but bad virtual bosses have added another dimension to the equation. Here are some statistics captured at The Javelin Institute on bad virtual bosses:
- 66% of team members state their boss is bad (2/3rd!)
- 80% state the boss is the worst part of their day
- 60% report previously leaving a job (and nearly 100% therein report they’d leave again if it wasn’t because of the pandemic!)
- While quick to criticize and complain, 70% report that they wouldn’t actually leave (some look at an almost 2-year horizon to do so).
So, if bad virtual bosses are just that, bad, why are so many reluctant to depart sooner rather than later? What follows are my summations regarding bad virtual bosses and what you can do to effectively deal with them… Enjoy!
Quitting is Tough
People today stay in jobs with supervisors they don’t enjoy for a great number of reasons. One of the most common reasons I have discovered during my 20 years of organizational consulting and training include:
- I do not have the energy to start looking for a new occupation.
- I truly like my job/colleagues/commute.
- I need the salary.
- There aren’t any other tasks that would function better.
- I don’t want to eliminate the benefits.
- I’ve spent too much to begin in a new organization.
- This job pays too well to leave.
- I don’t have the skills to have a different job.
- Things might get better.
A number of the above excuses come down to fundamental human emotional dynamics. People enduring high-stress situations often suffer from emotional exhaustion, robbing them of their energy needed to search for a new circumstance. It is difficult to quit without another opportunity lined up, also it is difficult to line up another chance when one feels depleted. Emotional fatigue also strips people of the capacity to envision a much more positive experience — and despair ensues.
Loss aversion is just another psychological process which makes it tough to give up something you have. We tend to strive to maintain that which we’ve worked hard to acquire. In the office this may be wages, status, equilibrium, seniority, social relations, and the rest of the benefits we’ve gathered over the years.
Additionally, research informs us that people stay in toxic conditions when they are engaged in “high significance” work. In other words, if people are emotionally attached and engaged in their occupation, they stay, even if they work for managers who treat them poorly.
Last, we may also hope that a mean boss will change their ways, that the organization will require some action, and that matters will improve.
Although staying place may appear more secure than leaving, it actually comes with many dangers. A research of 3,122 Swedish male employees found that individuals who work for toxic bosses were 60% more likely to suffer a heart attack, stroke, or other life-threatening coronary disease. Some studies reveal it may take up to 22 months to recuperate physically and emotionally out of a toxic boss. While the concept of quitting may seem scary, the reality of staying at a job with a toxic boss could be even scarier.
How to Deal Effectively with a Bad Virtual Boss
Bad bosses ought to not be dismissed lightly. If stopping isn’t an immediate alternative, there are some practical things you can do to mitigate the potential damage of working to get a toxic boss. While specific strategies rely upon the type of boss you have, e.g. bullies, narcissists, etc., there are some general strategies that could help you handle the circumstance.
Forget giving opinions. Make requests instead. It is typically a fantastic idea to try and speak with your supervisor and see what is going on. However, odds are a difficult supervisor may not be receptive to hearing comments about his or her failings. So try making certain requests to get what you want. Be specific about the tools and support that you want to do your job, explain your rationale, and understanding how this may benefit them and the organization. Consider timing, and attempt to have these conversations as soon as your boss is calm and in an upbeat mood. Be sure to prepare, practice, and anticipate reactions.
Get/Create a support system. A strong support system is critical when dealing with a mentally challenging situation. Surround yourself with friends and people who support and encourage you. Have outlets out work for interacting and reducing stress.
Get plenty of sleep and exercise. Caring for your physical and mental well-being is essential. If possible, have a temporary break in the work. Find activities outside of work that bring you joy and satisfaction. Consider relaxation and mindfulness practices like yoga and meditation. Practice positive self-talk by depriving that you aren’t the issue. Bear in mind, you can’t control the way your boss acts, but you can control the way you react to their behavior.
Explore other opportunities within your organization. There might be ways to escape your toxic boss without needing to leave your company. Look into other places in the business that interest you, meet with colleagues and supervisors in other departments, consider where your skills may translate, and also make a case to the own transition.
Should You Involve HR? Research your HR department’s standing in supporting employee complaints before you strategy. Let them know about the issues you are having with your supervisor and what you’ve done to try and rectify the circumstance. They may have already helped others in the exact same situation and could offer solutions you had not thought of.
Of course, be prepared to take “stopping” the bad virtual boss as the best solution. There are some unequivocal indications that it’s time to proceed to the next job. If you dread going to work every day, should you feel physically or emotionally risky at work, should you spend more time thinking about your boss than your job, if stress out of work permeates the rest of your life, if your self-esteem has plummeted, it’s time to go. You must give yourself permission to make a career change — to let go of hope that things will get better, and also to conquer the fear of quitting.
Once you make the choice to stop, it is important to do it as professionally and as you can. While it might be tempting to head out in a blaze of anger and curse words, this rarely works out well in the long term. Don’t burn bridges. Here are a few tips:
Line Up Your Next Professional Move
There is no magic bullet: you simply need to begin the hunt for your next job.
Give proper notice. The benchmark for most industries is just two weeks. Giving more time is always a choice but try not to devote less if you can help it. Compose a proper resignation letter and inform your supervisor — in person — that you’re leaving. Do not overlook, letters of resignation often wind up in worker records and might be utilized if your former boss is called for a reference. Make sure your letter is specialist.
Create a transition timeline. Clearly articulate your plans for transition. Be cautious about what you will do before you depart and stick to it. If you promise to finish jobs, then complete them. Do not bite off more that you can chew, but don’t leave things on the plate that you promised to take care of. Leave your boss and your team fully updated on the status of your projects, etc.
Be ready to move early. In case your boss is really poisonous, they could dismiss you the moment you give notice. Ensure you have your own personal belongings, contact information, important documents, commendations, etc. arranged before you provide notice. Be sure to return all company property promptly and correctly. Get proper documentation stating that you’ve returned. The last thing you want is someone claiming you have stolen anything.
Do not bad mouth. Fight the urge to bad mouth your boss during potential job interviews or perhaps after you land a new job. Hiring managers do not understand you and they do not understand your boss — all they will see is a complaining malcontent.
SUMMARY
You know and I know that dealing with a bad boss, let alone a bad virtual boss is not desired. In this article, we’ve explored how to effectively deal with a bad virtual boss. We’ve provided several key considerations, both in deciding to deal or move on, and once you make your decision to leave the ability to do so professionally. It’s important to keep perspective in mind, as your personal and professional sanity depends on it!
Sam Palazzolo, Principal Officer
Javelin Institute